how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
