I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
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I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
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If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I am one with the molecules
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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