He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
then he tried to convert me to islam
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
