i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Randomize
