In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
