i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
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