I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
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