smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
