He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
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