I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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