you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
