i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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