his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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