He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
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