I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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