Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I want to fling myself into the sun
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
