discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
