Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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