I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
