she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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