Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
