Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
