Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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