my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
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