She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
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