I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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