I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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