soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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