ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Is Oprah even human
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
