yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
that is very illegal...i love you.
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