I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
