Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
You pole danced in your parka.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
