Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
