If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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