Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
