the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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