I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
