I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
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I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
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she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door