Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize