we have pet lesbian snakes
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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