making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
