woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Randomize
