areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
