Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Randomize
