What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I feel like a drive thru vagina
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
