Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
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