so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
