for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
