i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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