After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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