dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
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