Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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