I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
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