piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Randomize
