I need help removing her.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
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