a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
