I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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