lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
