enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
