Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
