Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Randomize
