this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
