this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
