Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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