I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
