Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
