I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
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I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
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Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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