The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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