So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Randomize
