We need to start having sex underwater more often.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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