you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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