No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
