if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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