oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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