How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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