we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
