I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
